Once upon a time, in a forest far away from here, there was a beautiful, white-as-snow rabbit with big ears… Well, not only ears actually! You see, the rabbit was really well endowed and blessed by mother nature, every part on his body was of a prominent size! Two blocks away lived a turtle, who also had a really big shell… And maybe other big things hidden in it! Both of them had given up chain smoking and had started exercising regularly to be ready for the summer! So they both decided to compete in the Boston Marathon. The two of them never got along really well though, so every time they run into each other they made shenanigans. To be more specific, the rabbit threw TNTs inside the turtle’s shell and the turtle tied some pretty tight sailor knots using his ears.
One day, a beautiful village girl moved to the woods. Her name was Amy Lynn. The rabbit was the first to see her, and he rabbit-ly ran into the forest to gather a few wild roses to give her. At the same time though, the turtle put his playful eyes on her and followed the rabbit so as to sabotage him. Not long after that, the rabbit realized that someone was following him. So he started running in cicles inside the forest, in order to deceive the poor turtle. This continued for hours and hours until they both got lost in the woods and, not having taken their smartphones with them, they had no GPS service and thereby no way of finding a way back. So they stopped and agreed that what had to be done was the following: each one of them would gather some flowers and then, after having set a starting point, they would begin finding their way to the village. And whoever reached the girl first would nail her.
And so it began! After a while they both were on the starting point. The gun was shot by an owl who was looking for a tree to jerk off in peace and the race started! The rabbit, sure he was faster, didn’t stress at all about pace and focused on finding the right way back. Slowly and steadily he went. The turtle on the other side, based on his brains and wits started running like the wind and asked whoever was passing by for directions. The clock was ticking, but no one of the two seemed to find the way to get back.
In the meantime, news about the race had reached the small village and everyone had left their houses and were on the streets. You see, they wanted to record some hot race action and post it on Youtube. And time was fleeing, but nothing ever happened… The rabbit, desperately trying to find his way back to the village, had fallen into a lake where ruthless piranhas raped him for long hours. The turtle, on the other hand, had a steamy encounter with a hot porcupine and had oral sex inside a tree hollow. When the dark night rose (and other things couldn’t manage rising, it seemed) they both once again headed to the village. And when they finally were sure they found the right path, they went banaynays and started running for all that they were worth! They were trying to make each other stumble, threw stones and animal feces they found nearby and there was no sense of fair play at all!
When they got just outside of the village, they did their best and ran as fast as they could. The turtle, in his final hopeless efforts, took his shell of and used it as a skateboard to get going faster! Until finally the sacred moment came… And they both reached the girl at the same time!!!
No one had won… And now the girl had to actually choose which of the two would keep her company (and sexually satisfied)! So the rabbit asked her in his most sultry voice: “Oh my dear Amy Lynn, you will ride MY zeppelin, am I right?” and winked at her. “Not now that she can tell, what I got inside this shell!” replied the turtle, making sexy circles with his hips. And Amy Lynn shyly replied: “Hmmm… I don’t know… I’m not sure… I think I wanna hook up with Portia de Rossi! You know, I’m a lesbian!”. The turtle and the rabbit looked at each other, totally disappointed and passed out in front of Amy Lynn’s feet. She turned her back at them and quickly headed to her house, because she definitely didn’t want to miss the brand new episode of L Word.
When they regained their consciousness, the turtle and the rabbit decided that the only solution for them was to hook up with each other! They eventually started dating and often had threesomes with the owl that had started their fateful race. Amy Lynn started dating Margoat, the village’s most stunning goat. And so they lived happily ever after in their small but busy village…
Skate Leah and Mac Lovinit